Another drive down to Indy left me feeling some severe subdrop today. Lee did what was probably the most intense scene we've had so far. I don't feel up to sharing the details yet, maybe not ever. Basically it involved several layers of mummification (the first of plastic wrap left me quite helpless) followed by very real and very scary breath control. She has an inflatable latex hood that has a tube in the mouth.
Lee and I don't use safewords anymore. It's a recent addition to our relationship so it still comes as a shock when I get scared and realize there's no way out; no panic button, I just have to trust.
Trust is a hard commodity to come by when all you can focus on is your next breath and hope it comes soon. The blood-rush pounding in my ears drowned out any semblance of rational thought altogether.
Obviously my trust was well placed in Lee, because I'm still here. I trust her, I love her and I want to drown myself in her personality.
She's offered me a position as a live in girl for one year. With small exceptions there would be no time of my own. As far as my personal life goes I can make it work, except for my sister (RL) and her family. They are all I have and I don't like the thought of not being there for them if they need me. As of now I haven't made the decision, but I'm still leaning towards declining this incredible opportunity.
One consideration that haunts me is..will *I* come back home after the year is up?
My dear sister Tot put words to what Lee has done to me.. Mindf*cked..
Monday, September 21, 2009
Thursday, September 10, 2009
How it should be done.
Last night's little encounter with a "real life" domme at the Estate has been on my mind all day. Before you say "now Shi, don't worry about her" never fear, worried I am not. At least not by that belligerent ass.
If I'm worried it's about the juxtaposition between SL and RL BDSM.
My own role as a Domme in SL is perhaps somewhat different that the norm. I try to provide the things my girls need to open up and explore their darker desires, by strong persuasion rather than brute force. In RL I tend towards the sub role more than anything. I've played both roles, if you've read here before you know I'm a switch and happily so.
My RL relationship with Lee is probably the rough outline I use to write my SL scenes from. She's a kind, strong, and willing to listen. Never shocked by anything you show an interest in, and more than willing to see you through most any experience. Sometimes much to my dismay, at least at first. ;)
But there are those dominants out there, male and female, that belittle and humiliate their subs in every situation. I always picture a drill Sergeant when I see or hear of that type.
Don't get me wrong, I know there are subs, and slaves (the two terms mean different things to me) that desperately crave this kind of attention. To them I say "more power to you sister". To each their own, or to borrow a phrase from a book I'm reading, Love as thou wilt.
What does this have to do with SL? We bring into SL one of two things: Experience, or fantasy. It's really that simple. Either you are really a nine foot tall lycan, or you fantasise about being one. Either way, in SL, you are that thing, that character, no matter what you are in RL.
My point is this: Fantasy should not be dictated by actual experience, rather experience should be sprinkled with a bit of fantasy to keep it interesting.
I've come a long way 'round to get to the real meat of this entry. In BDSM, be it fantasy or reality, there is no right or wrong way to do it. Yes, I know, safe, sane and consensual. All that means is, if you break your toys you won't have them to play with. (And I won't let you use mine either)
So enjoy what you do. If you have people willing to do it with you, then you're doing something right. If they kneel at your feet, you just might be good at it too.
If I'm worried it's about the juxtaposition between SL and RL BDSM.
My own role as a Domme in SL is perhaps somewhat different that the norm. I try to provide the things my girls need to open up and explore their darker desires, by strong persuasion rather than brute force. In RL I tend towards the sub role more than anything. I've played both roles, if you've read here before you know I'm a switch and happily so.
My RL relationship with Lee is probably the rough outline I use to write my SL scenes from. She's a kind, strong, and willing to listen. Never shocked by anything you show an interest in, and more than willing to see you through most any experience. Sometimes much to my dismay, at least at first. ;)
But there are those dominants out there, male and female, that belittle and humiliate their subs in every situation. I always picture a drill Sergeant when I see or hear of that type.
Don't get me wrong, I know there are subs, and slaves (the two terms mean different things to me) that desperately crave this kind of attention. To them I say "more power to you sister". To each their own, or to borrow a phrase from a book I'm reading, Love as thou wilt.
What does this have to do with SL? We bring into SL one of two things: Experience, or fantasy. It's really that simple. Either you are really a nine foot tall lycan, or you fantasise about being one. Either way, in SL, you are that thing, that character, no matter what you are in RL.
My point is this: Fantasy should not be dictated by actual experience, rather experience should be sprinkled with a bit of fantasy to keep it interesting.
I've come a long way 'round to get to the real meat of this entry. In BDSM, be it fantasy or reality, there is no right or wrong way to do it. Yes, I know, safe, sane and consensual. All that means is, if you break your toys you won't have them to play with. (And I won't let you use mine either)
So enjoy what you do. If you have people willing to do it with you, then you're doing something right. If they kneel at your feet, you just might be good at it too.
Wednesday, August 19, 2009
Table for One
Sunday morning with Lee started with her waking me and slipping a thin leather collar around my neck. This would be pretty much all I wore that day...
She keeps an office in one room of the building where her studio is. It's decorated what I assume is a Victorian style (my tastes in furniture tend more to the simplistic). Next to the lovely desk which held her laptop was a small cushion. She led me into the room and yes, ala' every SL submissive, I knelt on the cushion. But this was actually happening, and I couldn't help but giggle about it. I'm not sure if her irritation was feigned or real, but either way she buckled a ballgag in to keep me quiet while she tended her email.
Strangely, I really was quite content to sit with her for awhile, just being there beside a woman I knew cared deeply and still was willing to do to me all that I needed.
It was probably an hour or so later when she finished, closed the laptop and turned to me with a smile. A blindfold of soft leather joined the ballgag and I was lead to the dining room, on up onto the table. Much to my delight (I AM a bondage slut after all ;) ) I was soon tied with my wrists behind my head and lashed to a shoulder harness. My ankles were secures up to my thighs, leaving me spread open. Several more ropes fastened me to the table's legs ensuring I wouldn't squirm my way off and hurt myself. I drifted for a bit while she was doing her ropework on me, bondage has been described like an unending embrace from your lover when done well. Lee does it well, and I came back to awareness when she pulled a chair out and sat at the end of the table opposite to the way me head was pointing. (Between my legs, if that wasn't clear) What followed was an exquisite blend of teasing and fulfilling sexual torment. Several toys were tried on me, as well as.. other ways.. She never spoke through the entire episode and I wasn't told to ask for my orgasms. As has become almost normal for my time with Lee, I lost track of time again. When I slipped back inside my head her hands were caressing my upturned rear gently, coaxing me back to reality.
I heard her footsteps cross the room then, followed by soft applause.... From behind me still...
Someone else was there, and I never knew who, or what part they played in the entire scene.
Another of Lee's gifts...
She keeps an office in one room of the building where her studio is. It's decorated what I assume is a Victorian style (my tastes in furniture tend more to the simplistic). Next to the lovely desk which held her laptop was a small cushion. She led me into the room and yes, ala' every SL submissive, I knelt on the cushion. But this was actually happening, and I couldn't help but giggle about it. I'm not sure if her irritation was feigned or real, but either way she buckled a ballgag in to keep me quiet while she tended her email.
Strangely, I really was quite content to sit with her for awhile, just being there beside a woman I knew cared deeply and still was willing to do to me all that I needed.
It was probably an hour or so later when she finished, closed the laptop and turned to me with a smile. A blindfold of soft leather joined the ballgag and I was lead to the dining room, on up onto the table. Much to my delight (I AM a bondage slut after all ;) ) I was soon tied with my wrists behind my head and lashed to a shoulder harness. My ankles were secures up to my thighs, leaving me spread open. Several more ropes fastened me to the table's legs ensuring I wouldn't squirm my way off and hurt myself. I drifted for a bit while she was doing her ropework on me, bondage has been described like an unending embrace from your lover when done well. Lee does it well, and I came back to awareness when she pulled a chair out and sat at the end of the table opposite to the way me head was pointing. (Between my legs, if that wasn't clear) What followed was an exquisite blend of teasing and fulfilling sexual torment. Several toys were tried on me, as well as.. other ways.. She never spoke through the entire episode and I wasn't told to ask for my orgasms. As has become almost normal for my time with Lee, I lost track of time again. When I slipped back inside my head her hands were caressing my upturned rear gently, coaxing me back to reality.
I heard her footsteps cross the room then, followed by soft applause.... From behind me still...
Someone else was there, and I never knew who, or what part they played in the entire scene.
Another of Lee's gifts...
Sunday, August 16, 2009
Joy returns to me
Long ago, in SL terms, I proposed to her. Ironically I did it from a dance pole in a prison club. She was to be my Mistress then, as well as my Partner. Life happened and things have changed. If you've followed my blog you already know that I no longer desire a Mistress.
Friday night the time was finally right. Faye and I talked for a long time, making sure that we both had the same thing in mind.
She made me the happiest I've been in a long, long time, for Faye and I are Partnered at last! Faye honored me with the gift of her submission as well.
Thank you my Love, my Dearest, my sub and my Partner. I will love you always, and all ways.
Friday night the time was finally right. Faye and I talked for a long time, making sure that we both had the same thing in mind.
She made me the happiest I've been in a long, long time, for Faye and I are Partnered at last! Faye honored me with the gift of her submission as well.
Thank you my Love, my Dearest, my sub and my Partner. I will love you always, and all ways.
Whew!
Yes, I made it back from Indy. It's been about five days (I traveled most of the day Wednesday) and I'm still floating. The bruises are fading, the welts are gone, my nipples aren't quite so sensitive and the sore spots left in my mouth from the ball gag have finally gone away.
I'm not going into full details now. If you're curious leave me a reply and I'll answer questions if I can. Suffice it to say that it was a mind boggling rush of an experience that I would do again everyday, but realistically, there's no way..
I'm not going into full details now. If you're curious leave me a reply and I'll answer questions if I can. Suffice it to say that it was a mind boggling rush of an experience that I would do again everyday, but realistically, there's no way..
Thursday, August 6, 2009
Indy Trip
Three or four times a year I take a vacation from.. well.. from reality, in a way. I drive nearly eight hours, one way, to see a woman that I trust my life with, though I don't even know her real name. Lee has kept her studio from her days as a professional Dominatrix. She no longer sees new clients, but has a set of favorites. I came to her late in her career, introduced through some mutual friends that own a lake house near my own home. She calls me about once a month and we talk girl talk mostly, but when I go to her, it's all Domme/sub.
I'm going to see her this weekend and staying for a few days. We've talked about what I'd like to experience, what limits I am comfortable with letting her push, and ideas that she might like to try. In the past I've spent the entire time with her in bondage, served horderves at a fetish party (in full latex!) modelled different ties, I've even been made into a table on which people set their drinks during a dinner party.
I say that we talk about my limits, but I trust her so much now that I no longer really have any. She can easily pick up on my interest in things. I've told friends before that I have to be careful of what I look at in her studio for fear that she will use *it* on me.
Pain has been a limit for me for awhile. Nipple clamps (and clamps in general) I enjoy, but I never wanted to be whipped or beaten, things like that. Last winter I let Lee flog me. She used all sorts of different floggers and explained the difference between them and how they are different from whips, canes and the like. It was terrified, and so excited through the entire experience that my orgasm took me totally by surprise. After it was over Lee cuddled me closer than she ever has, and actually cried with me. An understanding bond that I've never been aware of being possible.
We play with some very strong emotions when we are involved in BDSM. The vanilla world and the posers who think they are "kinky" because it seems to be trendy now just can't make the leap from pain to pleasure. There is no other way to reach those plateaus without enduring the torment and intense stimulation that a gifted domminant can take you to.
Let them giggle at the things we do, and we will pity them for their unknowing loss. I'm going to Indy.
I'm going to see her this weekend and staying for a few days. We've talked about what I'd like to experience, what limits I am comfortable with letting her push, and ideas that she might like to try. In the past I've spent the entire time with her in bondage, served horderves at a fetish party (in full latex!) modelled different ties, I've even been made into a table on which people set their drinks during a dinner party.
I say that we talk about my limits, but I trust her so much now that I no longer really have any. She can easily pick up on my interest in things. I've told friends before that I have to be careful of what I look at in her studio for fear that she will use *it* on me.
Pain has been a limit for me for awhile. Nipple clamps (and clamps in general) I enjoy, but I never wanted to be whipped or beaten, things like that. Last winter I let Lee flog me. She used all sorts of different floggers and explained the difference between them and how they are different from whips, canes and the like. It was terrified, and so excited through the entire experience that my orgasm took me totally by surprise. After it was over Lee cuddled me closer than she ever has, and actually cried with me. An understanding bond that I've never been aware of being possible.
We play with some very strong emotions when we are involved in BDSM. The vanilla world and the posers who think they are "kinky" because it seems to be trendy now just can't make the leap from pain to pleasure. There is no other way to reach those plateaus without enduring the torment and intense stimulation that a gifted domminant can take you to.
Let them giggle at the things we do, and we will pity them for their unknowing loss. I'm going to Indy.
Monday, August 3, 2009
Joy and Sorrow and Heart Breaking Pain
Bad things happen to good people. We all know it, and hate it for being so. Like a Greek tragedy though we're compelled by it, and follow the story waiting for the happy ending that may not come.
A loss in the family is never easy, but is the pain tempered by knowing the sacrifice was that of a hero?
Evil perpetrated on an innocent soul cloaked as love, leads to enlightenment and knowledge uncommon to one's peers. An even trade?
When one needs, actually needs to be with another yet is forced out of contact, will the heart truly grow fonder with the absence?
Illness shadowing a kind and gentle person, yet love grows stronger between those that share the burdens.
There are unending examples, and some of those that read this blog will recognise one or two these personally.
But to those I love I offer this: Life does go on, and Joy can be found again.
I am living proof.
A loss in the family is never easy, but is the pain tempered by knowing the sacrifice was that of a hero?
Evil perpetrated on an innocent soul cloaked as love, leads to enlightenment and knowledge uncommon to one's peers. An even trade?
When one needs, actually needs to be with another yet is forced out of contact, will the heart truly grow fonder with the absence?
Illness shadowing a kind and gentle person, yet love grows stronger between those that share the burdens.
There are unending examples, and some of those that read this blog will recognise one or two these personally.
But to those I love I offer this: Life does go on, and Joy can be found again.
I am living proof.
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