How it should be done.

Last night's little encounter with a "real life" domme at the Estate has been on my mind all day. Before you say "now Shi, don't worry about her" never fear, worried I am not. At least not by that belligerent ass.
If I'm worried it's about the juxtaposition between SL and RL BDSM.
My own role as a Domme in SL is perhaps somewhat different that the norm. I try to provide the things my girls need to open up and explore their darker desires, by strong persuasion rather than brute force. In RL I tend towards the sub role more than anything. I've played both roles, if you've read here before you know I'm a switch and happily so.
My RL relationship with Lee is probably the rough outline I use to write my SL scenes from. She's a kind, strong, and willing to listen. Never shocked by anything you show an interest in, and more than willing to see you through most any experience. Sometimes much to my dismay, at least at first. ;)
But there are those dominants out there, male and female, that belittle and humiliate their subs in every situation. I always picture a drill Sergeant when I see or hear of that type.
Don't get me wrong, I know there are subs, and slaves (the two terms mean different things to me) that desperately crave this kind of attention. To them I say "more power to you sister". To each their own, or to borrow a phrase from a book I'm reading, Love as thou wilt.

What does this have to do with SL? We bring into SL one of two things: Experience, or fantasy. It's really that simple. Either you are really a nine foot tall lycan, or you fantasise about being one. Either way, in SL, you are that thing, that character, no matter what you are in RL.

My point is this: Fantasy should not be dictated by actual experience, rather experience should be sprinkled with a bit of fantasy to keep it interesting.

I've come a long way 'round to get to the real meat of this entry. In BDSM, be it fantasy or reality, there is no right or wrong way to do it. Yes, I know, safe, sane and consensual. All that means is, if you break your toys you won't have them to play with. (And I won't let you use mine either)

So enjoy what you do. If you have people willing to do it with you, then you're doing something right. If they kneel at your feet, you just might be good at it too.