Another drive down to Indy left me feeling some severe subdrop today. Lee did what was probably the most intense scene we've had so far. I don't feel up to sharing the details yet, maybe not ever. Basically it involved several layers of mummification (the first of plastic wrap left me quite helpless) followed by very real and very scary breath control. She has an inflatable latex hood that has a tube in the mouth.
Lee and I don't use safewords anymore. It's a recent addition to our relationship so it still comes as a shock when I get scared and realize there's no way out; no panic button, I just have to trust.
Trust is a hard commodity to come by when all you can focus on is your next breath and hope it comes soon. The blood-rush pounding in my ears drowned out any semblance of rational thought altogether.
Obviously my trust was well placed in Lee, because I'm still here. I trust her, I love her and I want to drown myself in her personality.
She's offered me a position as a live in girl for one year. With small exceptions there would be no time of my own. As far as my personal life goes I can make it work, except for my sister (RL) and her family. They are all I have and I don't like the thought of not being there for them if they need me. As of now I haven't made the decision, but I'm still leaning towards declining this incredible opportunity.
One consideration that haunts me is..will *I* come back home after the year is up?
My dear sister Tot put words to what Lee has done to me.. Mindf*cked..
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Shivers.
ReplyDeleteI sooo love reading this, Shi.
Sometimes I wish I could give up my job and freeze my husband for a few months and do what you are being offered.
Oh gawd.
Shivers is right.
ReplyDeleteSo is Tot.
Would I do it if I were in your place? I can't begin to answer. Leaving family and friends for a year - a year is a long time. Then again, there are the obvious benefits, hedonistic as they might be - although hedonism might not exactly be the proper word for it :)
You have a difficult choice to make here. I don't envy that.