Another drive down to Indy left me feeling some severe subdrop today. Lee did what was probably the most intense scene we've had so far. I don't feel up to sharing the details yet, maybe not ever. Basically it involved several layers of mummification (the first of plastic wrap left me quite helpless) followed by very real and very scary breath control. She has an inflatable latex hood that has a tube in the mouth.
Lee and I don't use safewords anymore. It's a recent addition to our relationship so it still comes as a shock when I get scared and realize there's no way out; no panic button, I just have to trust.
Trust is a hard commodity to come by when all you can focus on is your next breath and hope it comes soon. The blood-rush pounding in my ears drowned out any semblance of rational thought altogether.
Obviously my trust was well placed in Lee, because I'm still here. I trust her, I love her and I want to drown myself in her personality.
She's offered me a position as a live in girl for one year. With small exceptions there would be no time of my own. As far as my personal life goes I can make it work, except for my sister (RL) and her family. They are all I have and I don't like the thought of not being there for them if they need me. As of now I haven't made the decision, but I'm still leaning towards declining this incredible opportunity.
One consideration that haunts me is..will *I* come back home after the year is up?
My dear sister Tot put words to what Lee has done to me.. Mindf*cked..
Monday, September 21, 2009
Thursday, September 10, 2009
How it should be done.
Last night's little encounter with a "real life" domme at the Estate has been on my mind all day. Before you say "now Shi, don't worry about her" never fear, worried I am not. At least not by that belligerent ass.
If I'm worried it's about the juxtaposition between SL and RL BDSM.
My own role as a Domme in SL is perhaps somewhat different that the norm. I try to provide the things my girls need to open up and explore their darker desires, by strong persuasion rather than brute force. In RL I tend towards the sub role more than anything. I've played both roles, if you've read here before you know I'm a switch and happily so.
My RL relationship with Lee is probably the rough outline I use to write my SL scenes from. She's a kind, strong, and willing to listen. Never shocked by anything you show an interest in, and more than willing to see you through most any experience. Sometimes much to my dismay, at least at first. ;)
But there are those dominants out there, male and female, that belittle and humiliate their subs in every situation. I always picture a drill Sergeant when I see or hear of that type.
Don't get me wrong, I know there are subs, and slaves (the two terms mean different things to me) that desperately crave this kind of attention. To them I say "more power to you sister". To each their own, or to borrow a phrase from a book I'm reading, Love as thou wilt.
What does this have to do with SL? We bring into SL one of two things: Experience, or fantasy. It's really that simple. Either you are really a nine foot tall lycan, or you fantasise about being one. Either way, in SL, you are that thing, that character, no matter what you are in RL.
My point is this: Fantasy should not be dictated by actual experience, rather experience should be sprinkled with a bit of fantasy to keep it interesting.
I've come a long way 'round to get to the real meat of this entry. In BDSM, be it fantasy or reality, there is no right or wrong way to do it. Yes, I know, safe, sane and consensual. All that means is, if you break your toys you won't have them to play with. (And I won't let you use mine either)
So enjoy what you do. If you have people willing to do it with you, then you're doing something right. If they kneel at your feet, you just might be good at it too.
If I'm worried it's about the juxtaposition between SL and RL BDSM.
My own role as a Domme in SL is perhaps somewhat different that the norm. I try to provide the things my girls need to open up and explore their darker desires, by strong persuasion rather than brute force. In RL I tend towards the sub role more than anything. I've played both roles, if you've read here before you know I'm a switch and happily so.
My RL relationship with Lee is probably the rough outline I use to write my SL scenes from. She's a kind, strong, and willing to listen. Never shocked by anything you show an interest in, and more than willing to see you through most any experience. Sometimes much to my dismay, at least at first. ;)
But there are those dominants out there, male and female, that belittle and humiliate their subs in every situation. I always picture a drill Sergeant when I see or hear of that type.
Don't get me wrong, I know there are subs, and slaves (the two terms mean different things to me) that desperately crave this kind of attention. To them I say "more power to you sister". To each their own, or to borrow a phrase from a book I'm reading, Love as thou wilt.
What does this have to do with SL? We bring into SL one of two things: Experience, or fantasy. It's really that simple. Either you are really a nine foot tall lycan, or you fantasise about being one. Either way, in SL, you are that thing, that character, no matter what you are in RL.
My point is this: Fantasy should not be dictated by actual experience, rather experience should be sprinkled with a bit of fantasy to keep it interesting.
I've come a long way 'round to get to the real meat of this entry. In BDSM, be it fantasy or reality, there is no right or wrong way to do it. Yes, I know, safe, sane and consensual. All that means is, if you break your toys you won't have them to play with. (And I won't let you use mine either)
So enjoy what you do. If you have people willing to do it with you, then you're doing something right. If they kneel at your feet, you just might be good at it too.
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