I knew it was a mistake as soon as I tried to make contact. But I had to try, I thought that any contact with a human would be better than this isolation. I even thought I had an excuse. I'm still certain that the bitch...the Custodian.. made a mistake, a malfunction. Why else would I be forced to do maintenance twice in the same day, within hours.
So I did what I had been told to do only in an emergency. I contacted my Operator. Right from the start I knew she was mad. She berated me even before she hooked the vox up to the helmet, before I could even plead my case. Once I could speak again I stuttered and stammered through my excuse. I could see that it was making her more and more angry with me. I'm not human, therefor just another annoyance to her busy day.
She didn't care what I had to say. She ignored my fear and simply, in a cool and professional tone, told me I was going to be punished for contacting her. Without even looking at the control box that she carries she touched a series of buttons. Suddenly I can barely see. My world looks like a poorly tuned in TV show from the days of antennas. Static we used to call it, and now it's my entire world.
Before I can even beg for mercy she rips the vox from me and physically shoves me out into the street again. As I run away I hear her reset the Custodian, making me unable to approach humans again. I'm quite sure I can hear her laughing too, though that may be my imagination. Imagined or not, I know I'm not like her, I'm not human. I'm something less. I am S-5876, a bane.
Showing posts with label Win. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Win. Show all posts
Thursday, May 21, 2009
Monday, May 18, 2009
S-5876
The decision took nearly a year. Permission from Mistress almost as long. Understanding from my friends and family...Pending.
Why did I allow myself to be turned into this thing? For the experience, sure, as a test of my own self, that too. To see who would notice that I was gone. No. A wise person told me once that if you test your friends they will always fail. I know my friends, I choose who I allow close to me very carefully. They were there before, they will be there after, I know that. Of course I have a lot of guilt over doing this insanely selfish thing, and thereby causing them anguish.
So far the worst part of banishment has been the wait for it to happen. There seem to be only a few Operators in my timezone, so I had to wait for one in Europe. Finally though, it has happened. Bane S-5876 walked out into daylight today. I'm not going to give away any details. If you want to know, sign up and experience it.
What I will do is give you some insight into my feelings during and after the processing. WinthorpeFoghorn Zinneman is my Operator. She knows her business and I must say is one of the more creative and well spoken people I have met thus far. I originally met her more than a year ago in SH, where she gave me my first lesson in struggling out of RR ropes. I hadn't seen her in many months and we have never been close, but learning that it would be Win who would process me was a relief, as I knew she would do it right.
Win was polite at first, calling me Miss hobble and taking great care to reassure and help me. She answered my questions and calmed my worries. Later though, she became agitated when I asked her about the section in the handbook that seemed to have been removed. She did manage to calm herself, though I noted a bit of anger in her after that. She steadily became more and more distant, less caring. By the time I was sealed into the confines of latex and plastic it was quite clear that I had become an object to her, a job. When I was able to stand again I felt so small and insignificant. Win is extremely tall, but I've become accustomed to tall women over time as Mistress is one of the tallest in SL. No, my feeling of being tiny was from attitude, and from knowing that I was no longer in control of my fate. Indeed not even Win is in full control of me now. Instead, a tiny device feeding off the latent energy of my own brain now holds my fate in its hands. If such a cold and impersonal THING such as a Custodian can be said to have hands, because it certainly has no emotion.
Now, released to walk alone I can't even hear my own voice. I feel a great fear that the feminine voice of the Custodian will become longed for, even desired. My fantasies involving latex are at least in part to blame for bringing me to this. Once I was free of the operator and alone I tested my confines. The thick, more than skin tight layer covers me, and whether some part of the compound, or if the Custodian has that much control over me, I cannot feel enough through it to attain any sort of stimulation. Anguish and despair, my fantasies have come true and torture me.
As hard as I try I cannot get this helmet off. Again, I wonder if it's the device itself, or another insidious trick of the Custodian. Maybe I only think it's still on...
Why did I allow myself to be turned into this thing? For the experience, sure, as a test of my own self, that too. To see who would notice that I was gone. No. A wise person told me once that if you test your friends they will always fail. I know my friends, I choose who I allow close to me very carefully. They were there before, they will be there after, I know that. Of course I have a lot of guilt over doing this insanely selfish thing, and thereby causing them anguish.
So far the worst part of banishment has been the wait for it to happen. There seem to be only a few Operators in my timezone, so I had to wait for one in Europe. Finally though, it has happened. Bane S-5876 walked out into daylight today. I'm not going to give away any details. If you want to know, sign up and experience it.
What I will do is give you some insight into my feelings during and after the processing. WinthorpeFoghorn Zinneman is my Operator. She knows her business and I must say is one of the more creative and well spoken people I have met thus far. I originally met her more than a year ago in SH, where she gave me my first lesson in struggling out of RR ropes. I hadn't seen her in many months and we have never been close, but learning that it would be Win who would process me was a relief, as I knew she would do it right.
Win was polite at first, calling me Miss hobble and taking great care to reassure and help me. She answered my questions and calmed my worries. Later though, she became agitated when I asked her about the section in the handbook that seemed to have been removed. She did manage to calm herself, though I noted a bit of anger in her after that. She steadily became more and more distant, less caring. By the time I was sealed into the confines of latex and plastic it was quite clear that I had become an object to her, a job. When I was able to stand again I felt so small and insignificant. Win is extremely tall, but I've become accustomed to tall women over time as Mistress is one of the tallest in SL. No, my feeling of being tiny was from attitude, and from knowing that I was no longer in control of my fate. Indeed not even Win is in full control of me now. Instead, a tiny device feeding off the latent energy of my own brain now holds my fate in its hands. If such a cold and impersonal THING such as a Custodian can be said to have hands, because it certainly has no emotion.
Now, released to walk alone I can't even hear my own voice. I feel a great fear that the feminine voice of the Custodian will become longed for, even desired. My fantasies involving latex are at least in part to blame for bringing me to this. Once I was free of the operator and alone I tested my confines. The thick, more than skin tight layer covers me, and whether some part of the compound, or if the Custodian has that much control over me, I cannot feel enough through it to attain any sort of stimulation. Anguish and despair, my fantasies have come true and torture me.
As hard as I try I cannot get this helmet off. Again, I wonder if it's the device itself, or another insidious trick of the Custodian. Maybe I only think it's still on...
PS, Some things I have already found to be a problem.
- I should have set SL to auto-open notes, as I think I missed an important one already.
- Walking seems glitchy.
- Despite the relative rarity of Banes these days, there are still some that hunt them...
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