..and Downs

**Warning**
*Depressing Content*

The harder you hold the more slips from your hand. For a long time in SL terms I've fought to hold onto someone very dear and special. No, not just in SL terms, for it's been more than a year and that's a long time to hold onto hope. I struggled with long separations and never knowing if I'd see her again. I drove poor Tot to distraction with my need for reassurance. Dear Pet was always there to help me hold on. Wonderful little Aki commiserated with my loss.

It's over now. Time to gather up the pieces and move on. I won't say never again, but don't bother asking me for any sort of commitment for a while.

I had nearly made the decision to end it myself many times, but I'm a dedicated person, I tend to hold on to the bitter end. There's a lesson here: Bitter Ends suck for everyone involved.

So I offer this to you Faye: I've gone from loss to hurt to anger and back again. Had I known you felt pushed by me I'd have left you long ago. I'm sorry you've felt the need to hide from me. My intentions were never to cause you pain, but only offer support and love with nothing asked for in return. Obviously I didn't make that very clear to you.

'I'm sorry' is a phrase I don't like to hear or use. It's far to easily said and conveys next to nothing. It's an empty statement, but emptiness is all you've left me with.

I'm sorry Faye.