When I began my exploration into SL I was adamant that I would never be collared nor would I offer anyone a collar. How wrong I was. I followed along behind my first partner and saw that devotion and love both have a meaning in this virtual world. Later I would be offered a collar by a tenderhearted girl with the best of intentions, shortly after that I would wear the collar of a wonderful woman for nearly a year.
During that year I gained the love of many sisters. Each one very different, but each just as caring and devoted, not only to our Mistress, but to each other as well. Those relationships seem to endure the strongest of all.
I've collared four of my own thus far, though two have since moved on. Four wonderful people with deep heart and wonderful minds. I love them all and will care deeply for everyone of them always.
I've passed my third rezday recently. Two that were thought lost to SL returned at nearly the same time. Many tears of joy were shed for relationships renewed, including mine. Though I learned much from both of them in the past, their absence taught my heart to be harder and more careful.
The words of someone who was once close to me echo in my mind lately.
"These things do hurt us."
Sunday, February 6, 2011
Friday, October 22, 2010
Friday, July 9, 2010
Celebration
The shine of happy days flood out the dark shadows of those we've lost. Life is for the living they say, I suppose SL is for those in it.
My dear Sister who has seen me through the dark and guided me in the days is finding her happiness at last. None deserve it more. Collared to Miss Alt, and soon to be partnered with Tiff, she glows with an inner light that is brighter than ever.
As always her joy is contagious.
To update: I've released Casey though we remain in love.
Tania has given me all that hasn't been claimed by others. She's very special to me and has opened my eyes in new ways.
My dear Sister who has seen me through the dark and guided me in the days is finding her happiness at last. None deserve it more. Collared to Miss Alt, and soon to be partnered with Tiff, she glows with an inner light that is brighter than ever.
As always her joy is contagious.
To update: I've released Casey though we remain in love.
Tania has given me all that hasn't been claimed by others. She's very special to me and has opened my eyes in new ways.
Tuesday, April 13, 2010
An ending before things End
Seems my blog has a lot of depressing content.
I've been staring at an empty field for a bit now, unsure how to begin this entry.
I've released my Darling. The lovely girl that defined Mistress Shibari. She and I walked a path together and have become very close. We share things that bridge beyond SL.
It was time. With summer coming my RL will only get more hectic, my time in SL more sporadic.
Eniper is lost to me as well. Again, time comes between us.
I still have Casey to walk with me. She's a divine treasure without compare.
They say time heals all wounds. Does that include the ones it inflicts?
I've been staring at an empty field for a bit now, unsure how to begin this entry.
I've released my Darling. The lovely girl that defined Mistress Shibari. She and I walked a path together and have become very close. We share things that bridge beyond SL.
It was time. With summer coming my RL will only get more hectic, my time in SL more sporadic.
Eniper is lost to me as well. Again, time comes between us.
I still have Casey to walk with me. She's a divine treasure without compare.
They say time heals all wounds. Does that include the ones it inflicts?
Sunday, January 10, 2010
..and Downs
**Warning**
*Depressing Content*
The harder you hold the more slips from your hand. For a long time in SL terms I've fought to hold onto someone very dear and special. No, not just in SL terms, for it's been more than a year and that's a long time to hold onto hope. I struggled with long separations and never knowing if I'd see her again. I drove poor Tot to distraction with my need for reassurance. Dear Pet was always there to help me hold on. Wonderful little Aki commiserated with my loss.
It's over now. Time to gather up the pieces and move on. I won't say never again, but don't bother asking me for any sort of commitment for a while.
I had nearly made the decision to end it myself many times, but I'm a dedicated person, I tend to hold on to the bitter end. There's a lesson here: Bitter Ends suck for everyone involved.
So I offer this to you Faye: I've gone from loss to hurt to anger and back again. Had I known you felt pushed by me I'd have left you long ago. I'm sorry you've felt the need to hide from me. My intentions were never to cause you pain, but only offer support and love with nothing asked for in return. Obviously I didn't make that very clear to you.
'I'm sorry' is a phrase I don't like to hear or use. It's far to easily said and conveys next to nothing. It's an empty statement, but emptiness is all you've left me with.
I'm sorry Faye.
*Depressing Content*
The harder you hold the more slips from your hand. For a long time in SL terms I've fought to hold onto someone very dear and special. No, not just in SL terms, for it's been more than a year and that's a long time to hold onto hope. I struggled with long separations and never knowing if I'd see her again. I drove poor Tot to distraction with my need for reassurance. Dear Pet was always there to help me hold on. Wonderful little Aki commiserated with my loss.
It's over now. Time to gather up the pieces and move on. I won't say never again, but don't bother asking me for any sort of commitment for a while.
I had nearly made the decision to end it myself many times, but I'm a dedicated person, I tend to hold on to the bitter end. There's a lesson here: Bitter Ends suck for everyone involved.
So I offer this to you Faye: I've gone from loss to hurt to anger and back again. Had I known you felt pushed by me I'd have left you long ago. I'm sorry you've felt the need to hide from me. My intentions were never to cause you pain, but only offer support and love with nothing asked for in return. Obviously I didn't make that very clear to you.
'I'm sorry' is a phrase I don't like to hear or use. It's far to easily said and conveys next to nothing. It's an empty statement, but emptiness is all you've left me with.
I'm sorry Faye.
Ups and Downs
It's been awhile since I posted and many, many things have happened. Snow covers my little part of this world and hides everything beneath it with a clean white blanket. In some ways my own desires tend to hide what lurks under the seemingly clean surface.
I spent some time looking for a sub experience in SL. I found it, and what seemed like a good connection at the time. Warning flags were raised soon after though, and my too-quick-to-click subby side caused a lot or worry and hurt feelings. I offer my apologies to any that got involved in that mess. I only hope the ripples are past.
I'm going to focus more on my Domme side in SL. Miss Shi is needed there by many. I have things to show them, hands to hold and hugs to give. Leave no doubt that Miss Evil is alive (undead?) and well and can still find the things you hide. I consider it my privilege to bring them out and play with them, expose and mold them, and set you free in my chains.
A select (very) few will still have access to my sub side. Those that I trust I trust implicitly, if I allow you to take my control away I hope you run with it for awhile.
RL mirrors SL again. I've been asked to give a presentation at Estate Obscure on Sub Drop. I spent last night with a couple I have known for a long time (RL), but haven't seen for a few years. They are the ones that introduced me to Lee. I was asked to 'entertain' them for the evening, and I was more than willing. Many hours were spent in some strict ties and some very complete leather bondage. I was teased and tormented, but never allowed to..well, you know. My close friends will know that this is something I crave, and I went home late in the evening feeling floaty and quite thrilled by my experience.
...then I spent two hours crying my eyes out and trying to figure out "what the hell is wrong with me". Not a good ending to an otherwise thrilling experience.
Sub Drop is sneaky. When you're in it's clutches it's very hard to realize it. I wouldn't call myself an expert on it, but I've been in that state many times in the past. In my early years of experimenting with self bondage I dropped nearly every time. I think other things influenced last night's episode and added to the stress and depression, but I've got it sorted out for now. A late night call to a dear friend, and the consumption of comfort food seems to have snapped me out of the worst of it.
If you're wondering if I'd repeat last night. knowing that I'd drop hard, the answer is yes. I'm an addict to my own endorphins and will never give that up.
I spent some time looking for a sub experience in SL. I found it, and what seemed like a good connection at the time. Warning flags were raised soon after though, and my too-quick-to-click subby side caused a lot or worry and hurt feelings. I offer my apologies to any that got involved in that mess. I only hope the ripples are past.
I'm going to focus more on my Domme side in SL. Miss Shi is needed there by many. I have things to show them, hands to hold and hugs to give. Leave no doubt that Miss Evil is alive (undead?) and well and can still find the things you hide. I consider it my privilege to bring them out and play with them, expose and mold them, and set you free in my chains.
A select (very) few will still have access to my sub side. Those that I trust I trust implicitly, if I allow you to take my control away I hope you run with it for awhile.
RL mirrors SL again. I've been asked to give a presentation at Estate Obscure on Sub Drop. I spent last night with a couple I have known for a long time (RL), but haven't seen for a few years. They are the ones that introduced me to Lee. I was asked to 'entertain' them for the evening, and I was more than willing. Many hours were spent in some strict ties and some very complete leather bondage. I was teased and tormented, but never allowed to..well, you know. My close friends will know that this is something I crave, and I went home late in the evening feeling floaty and quite thrilled by my experience.
...then I spent two hours crying my eyes out and trying to figure out "what the hell is wrong with me". Not a good ending to an otherwise thrilling experience.
Sub Drop is sneaky. When you're in it's clutches it's very hard to realize it. I wouldn't call myself an expert on it, but I've been in that state many times in the past. In my early years of experimenting with self bondage I dropped nearly every time. I think other things influenced last night's episode and added to the stress and depression, but I've got it sorted out for now. A late night call to a dear friend, and the consumption of comfort food seems to have snapped me out of the worst of it.
If you're wondering if I'd repeat last night. knowing that I'd drop hard, the answer is yes. I'm an addict to my own endorphins and will never give that up.
Monday, November 9, 2009
I have tomorrow off
Someone out there knows why, but I'm not saying who. My libido has been up a bit these last few days and it's time to do something about it.
After twenty minutes of smoothing and stretching my favorite backzip catsuit is finally ready to be zipped. There's a trick to doing it alone, and it involves a bent coat hanger and a bit of flexibility. Around my waist I've locked a length of chain, the end of which passes between my legs to be locked in back. It's tight enough that it won't slip past my hips, and later my wrists will be locked to each side with leather cuffs. Another chain wraps around my body, crosses between my breasts and around again. With a lock in front and back each time I take a deep breath it squeezes my breasts tightly. This chain is a bit long so the extra gets locked to the crotch chain in back, pulling it up into my sex. The suit has gloves and feet, and over the later I have added four inch pumps with locking ankle straps. A short chain between leather ankle cuffs ensures I'll be taking tiny steps until morning. Later I'll manage to get my elbows cuffed as close together as I can so my hands can't reach my crotch, but before the final lock snaps shut I'll add a leather panel gag with a phallus between my teeth. All will remain in place for several hours, determined by a program called Safelock, with a devious random setting. I'm fairly certain that I've chosen a setting that begins at four hours, but may last as long as twelve.
The safety call has been made, everything is in place, and my tummy is full of butterflies. There are not many things more exciting than this...
After twenty minutes of smoothing and stretching my favorite backzip catsuit is finally ready to be zipped. There's a trick to doing it alone, and it involves a bent coat hanger and a bit of flexibility. Around my waist I've locked a length of chain, the end of which passes between my legs to be locked in back. It's tight enough that it won't slip past my hips, and later my wrists will be locked to each side with leather cuffs. Another chain wraps around my body, crosses between my breasts and around again. With a lock in front and back each time I take a deep breath it squeezes my breasts tightly. This chain is a bit long so the extra gets locked to the crotch chain in back, pulling it up into my sex. The suit has gloves and feet, and over the later I have added four inch pumps with locking ankle straps. A short chain between leather ankle cuffs ensures I'll be taking tiny steps until morning. Later I'll manage to get my elbows cuffed as close together as I can so my hands can't reach my crotch, but before the final lock snaps shut I'll add a leather panel gag with a phallus between my teeth. All will remain in place for several hours, determined by a program called Safelock, with a devious random setting. I'm fairly certain that I've chosen a setting that begins at four hours, but may last as long as twelve.
The safety call has been made, everything is in place, and my tummy is full of butterflies. There are not many things more exciting than this...
Sunday, October 4, 2009
Absolute Trust
After she had given me some instructions for preparing myself and I had followed them, Lee looked me in the eyes and simply said "this time we go deeper". Of course I was thrilled and scared, but little did I know the depths she had intended.
A remote egg went inside me and was held there with latex panties. Matching bra and stockings and then opera length gloves over ordinary latex exam gloves as well. My favorite catsuit soon covered more of me. This one is a backzip with both gloves and feet attached. I've mentioned that I love layers so I was already enjoying myself. Lee wrapped my hands with black stretchy bondage tape (the kind that isn't sticky) making me feel a bit helpless, and she was just beginning.
The tube of the inflatable hood went between my teeth next, and the hood zipped and pumped up firm. I think these hoods looks rather silly, but with my eyes and ears covered with padding the tightness of the thing makes it quite effective.
My torso was wrapped next with layers of pallet wrap and cling film. She wrapped under my arms, then had me fold them beneath my breasts and wrapped them tightly to my body, continuing down to just above my knees. While I could still waddle about she led me to a low table and helped me to lie down where she finished the wrap over my legs and feet. This would have been about the most complete mummification I had experienced yet, but she wasn't done yet.
Under me, on the table Lee had her leather sleepsack. I had spent many nights in it back when she would loan it to a couple I used to play with, so I knew what she was doing as soon as I felt the zipper closing me in, though I could barely hear it. It has buckles too and of course she used them, and then secured the whole package to the table with straps as well, one of which was on my forehead keeping my head immobile.
Bondage is very close to sex for me, and I could feel the wetness spreading under the first layer. My sex was driving me crazy with an incredible desire for attention that I knew it wasn't going to get. I lay still for a while, and slowly began squirming, testing my very limited range of movement. Lee must have been watching me, at some point she turned on the egg that was deep within. At first I didn't know what it was, my mind a blur and my sex already a mass of over-excited nerve endings. I let out a gurgling moan when the vibrations hit me though, and I heard Lee faintly laughing somewhere outside of my tiny prison.
I came repeatedly then, waves hitting me over and over for what seemed like days, but probably was several minutes. The egg stopped for a little while and I caught my breath. It was just enough of a break for me to begin realizing the depth of trouble I was in, when she covered the tube that was my only source of air. There was no way I could safeword, even if I had wanted to, and Lee and I had agreed that we would no longer use them. For a few heartbeats I lay perfectly still. Then I tried to suck in air only to feel the hood pull down tighter over my face. Terror. I tried to jerk my head away, but the straps held me and all I could to was tremble. I could hear her voise then, telling me to lie still. When I did finally did the egg started up again inside me and the tube was opened. Cool air rushed into me as another orgasm struck, this one like a hammer to my midsection. I saw stars, whether from the rush of oxygen or the orgasm, or maybe both.
This pattern of deprivation, panic, the egg and her allowing me breath went on for some time. Lee later told me she'd never pushed a scene like this as far before. My life in her hands, with no way out except by her will. An extremely emotional, terrifying and dangerous place to be. All I know is when Lee at last finished unwrapping me my tummy felt like I had been punched and my loins were still having muscle spasms. My jaw hurt for hours, probably from biting on the plastic tube that had been between my teeth.
I lay on Lee's lap, still in latex, after that for awhile, drifting in peace, shaking now and then, tears being wiped away by the gentle fingers of my tormentor. Later we would talk into the night, sharing each other's company like only those that know and accept each other's dark secrets can.
A remote egg went inside me and was held there with latex panties. Matching bra and stockings and then opera length gloves over ordinary latex exam gloves as well. My favorite catsuit soon covered more of me. This one is a backzip with both gloves and feet attached. I've mentioned that I love layers so I was already enjoying myself. Lee wrapped my hands with black stretchy bondage tape (the kind that isn't sticky) making me feel a bit helpless, and she was just beginning.
The tube of the inflatable hood went between my teeth next, and the hood zipped and pumped up firm. I think these hoods looks rather silly, but with my eyes and ears covered with padding the tightness of the thing makes it quite effective.
My torso was wrapped next with layers of pallet wrap and cling film. She wrapped under my arms, then had me fold them beneath my breasts and wrapped them tightly to my body, continuing down to just above my knees. While I could still waddle about she led me to a low table and helped me to lie down where she finished the wrap over my legs and feet. This would have been about the most complete mummification I had experienced yet, but she wasn't done yet.
Under me, on the table Lee had her leather sleepsack. I had spent many nights in it back when she would loan it to a couple I used to play with, so I knew what she was doing as soon as I felt the zipper closing me in, though I could barely hear it. It has buckles too and of course she used them, and then secured the whole package to the table with straps as well, one of which was on my forehead keeping my head immobile.
Bondage is very close to sex for me, and I could feel the wetness spreading under the first layer. My sex was driving me crazy with an incredible desire for attention that I knew it wasn't going to get. I lay still for a while, and slowly began squirming, testing my very limited range of movement. Lee must have been watching me, at some point she turned on the egg that was deep within. At first I didn't know what it was, my mind a blur and my sex already a mass of over-excited nerve endings. I let out a gurgling moan when the vibrations hit me though, and I heard Lee faintly laughing somewhere outside of my tiny prison.
I came repeatedly then, waves hitting me over and over for what seemed like days, but probably was several minutes. The egg stopped for a little while and I caught my breath. It was just enough of a break for me to begin realizing the depth of trouble I was in, when she covered the tube that was my only source of air. There was no way I could safeword, even if I had wanted to, and Lee and I had agreed that we would no longer use them. For a few heartbeats I lay perfectly still. Then I tried to suck in air only to feel the hood pull down tighter over my face. Terror. I tried to jerk my head away, but the straps held me and all I could to was tremble. I could hear her voise then, telling me to lie still. When I did finally did the egg started up again inside me and the tube was opened. Cool air rushed into me as another orgasm struck, this one like a hammer to my midsection. I saw stars, whether from the rush of oxygen or the orgasm, or maybe both.
This pattern of deprivation, panic, the egg and her allowing me breath went on for some time. Lee later told me she'd never pushed a scene like this as far before. My life in her hands, with no way out except by her will. An extremely emotional, terrifying and dangerous place to be. All I know is when Lee at last finished unwrapping me my tummy felt like I had been punched and my loins were still having muscle spasms. My jaw hurt for hours, probably from biting on the plastic tube that had been between my teeth.
I lay on Lee's lap, still in latex, after that for awhile, drifting in peace, shaking now and then, tears being wiped away by the gentle fingers of my tormentor. Later we would talk into the night, sharing each other's company like only those that know and accept each other's dark secrets can.
Thursday, October 1, 2009
The way you do...
I keep listening to the same CD over and over. I'm sure I'm not the only one that can find a meaning in a song. Something the songwriter says that just clicks into place and you say, wow, how did she know that it feels like that for me too. But this entire CD is haunting me. Especially a couple of songs. I'm talking about Devil Doll, or Colleen Duffy. The CD is The Return of Eve.
Nearly every word of her song The Way You Do I can apply to my relationship with Lee. The way she watches my eyes all through a scene, or even when we eat dinner together, Colleen seems to know about it. How Lee is on my mind all the time, again Colleen has been there. I don't need to mention how my body reacts with just the thought of Lee because she says it in the song. Let's get dressed up and make a mess? Anyone who knows me knows I have a fetish for latex. The lyric that begins with "my legs are crossed", well, I'm not getting into that too deeply.
Another song, this one titled Sweet Lorraine makes me cry. I can't figure out how my sister's life got into those song lyrics, but there it is.
Tortured is another one that sometimes brings tears. I think of someone I miss deeply in SL. I know it's not "real" but I still love her and miss her always.
With the decision yet to make with Lee, I keep hearing Lord's Prayer in my head. I'm not sure that is a good omen.
No, I still haven't decided whether or not I'll be a lost soul, or if I'll belong to someone else.
Nearly every word of her song The Way You Do I can apply to my relationship with Lee. The way she watches my eyes all through a scene, or even when we eat dinner together, Colleen seems to know about it. How Lee is on my mind all the time, again Colleen has been there. I don't need to mention how my body reacts with just the thought of Lee because she says it in the song. Let's get dressed up and make a mess? Anyone who knows me knows I have a fetish for latex. The lyric that begins with "my legs are crossed", well, I'm not getting into that too deeply.
Another song, this one titled Sweet Lorraine makes me cry. I can't figure out how my sister's life got into those song lyrics, but there it is.
Tortured is another one that sometimes brings tears. I think of someone I miss deeply in SL. I know it's not "real" but I still love her and miss her always.
With the decision yet to make with Lee, I keep hearing Lord's Prayer in my head. I'm not sure that is a good omen.
No, I still haven't decided whether or not I'll be a lost soul, or if I'll belong to someone else.
Monday, September 21, 2009
There are trips and there are Trips
Another drive down to Indy left me feeling some severe subdrop today. Lee did what was probably the most intense scene we've had so far. I don't feel up to sharing the details yet, maybe not ever. Basically it involved several layers of mummification (the first of plastic wrap left me quite helpless) followed by very real and very scary breath control. She has an inflatable latex hood that has a tube in the mouth.
Lee and I don't use safewords anymore. It's a recent addition to our relationship so it still comes as a shock when I get scared and realize there's no way out; no panic button, I just have to trust.
Trust is a hard commodity to come by when all you can focus on is your next breath and hope it comes soon. The blood-rush pounding in my ears drowned out any semblance of rational thought altogether.
Obviously my trust was well placed in Lee, because I'm still here. I trust her, I love her and I want to drown myself in her personality.
She's offered me a position as a live in girl for one year. With small exceptions there would be no time of my own. As far as my personal life goes I can make it work, except for my sister (RL) and her family. They are all I have and I don't like the thought of not being there for them if they need me. As of now I haven't made the decision, but I'm still leaning towards declining this incredible opportunity.
One consideration that haunts me is..will *I* come back home after the year is up?
My dear sister Tot put words to what Lee has done to me.. Mindf*cked..
Lee and I don't use safewords anymore. It's a recent addition to our relationship so it still comes as a shock when I get scared and realize there's no way out; no panic button, I just have to trust.
Trust is a hard commodity to come by when all you can focus on is your next breath and hope it comes soon. The blood-rush pounding in my ears drowned out any semblance of rational thought altogether.
Obviously my trust was well placed in Lee, because I'm still here. I trust her, I love her and I want to drown myself in her personality.
She's offered me a position as a live in girl for one year. With small exceptions there would be no time of my own. As far as my personal life goes I can make it work, except for my sister (RL) and her family. They are all I have and I don't like the thought of not being there for them if they need me. As of now I haven't made the decision, but I'm still leaning towards declining this incredible opportunity.
One consideration that haunts me is..will *I* come back home after the year is up?
My dear sister Tot put words to what Lee has done to me.. Mindf*cked..
Thursday, September 10, 2009
How it should be done.
Last night's little encounter with a "real life" domme at the Estate has been on my mind all day. Before you say "now Shi, don't worry about her" never fear, worried I am not. At least not by that belligerent ass.
If I'm worried it's about the juxtaposition between SL and RL BDSM.
My own role as a Domme in SL is perhaps somewhat different that the norm. I try to provide the things my girls need to open up and explore their darker desires, by strong persuasion rather than brute force. In RL I tend towards the sub role more than anything. I've played both roles, if you've read here before you know I'm a switch and happily so.
My RL relationship with Lee is probably the rough outline I use to write my SL scenes from. She's a kind, strong, and willing to listen. Never shocked by anything you show an interest in, and more than willing to see you through most any experience. Sometimes much to my dismay, at least at first. ;)
But there are those dominants out there, male and female, that belittle and humiliate their subs in every situation. I always picture a drill Sergeant when I see or hear of that type.
Don't get me wrong, I know there are subs, and slaves (the two terms mean different things to me) that desperately crave this kind of attention. To them I say "more power to you sister". To each their own, or to borrow a phrase from a book I'm reading, Love as thou wilt.
What does this have to do with SL? We bring into SL one of two things: Experience, or fantasy. It's really that simple. Either you are really a nine foot tall lycan, or you fantasise about being one. Either way, in SL, you are that thing, that character, no matter what you are in RL.
My point is this: Fantasy should not be dictated by actual experience, rather experience should be sprinkled with a bit of fantasy to keep it interesting.
I've come a long way 'round to get to the real meat of this entry. In BDSM, be it fantasy or reality, there is no right or wrong way to do it. Yes, I know, safe, sane and consensual. All that means is, if you break your toys you won't have them to play with. (And I won't let you use mine either)
So enjoy what you do. If you have people willing to do it with you, then you're doing something right. If they kneel at your feet, you just might be good at it too.
If I'm worried it's about the juxtaposition between SL and RL BDSM.
My own role as a Domme in SL is perhaps somewhat different that the norm. I try to provide the things my girls need to open up and explore their darker desires, by strong persuasion rather than brute force. In RL I tend towards the sub role more than anything. I've played both roles, if you've read here before you know I'm a switch and happily so.
My RL relationship with Lee is probably the rough outline I use to write my SL scenes from. She's a kind, strong, and willing to listen. Never shocked by anything you show an interest in, and more than willing to see you through most any experience. Sometimes much to my dismay, at least at first. ;)
But there are those dominants out there, male and female, that belittle and humiliate their subs in every situation. I always picture a drill Sergeant when I see or hear of that type.
Don't get me wrong, I know there are subs, and slaves (the two terms mean different things to me) that desperately crave this kind of attention. To them I say "more power to you sister". To each their own, or to borrow a phrase from a book I'm reading, Love as thou wilt.
What does this have to do with SL? We bring into SL one of two things: Experience, or fantasy. It's really that simple. Either you are really a nine foot tall lycan, or you fantasise about being one. Either way, in SL, you are that thing, that character, no matter what you are in RL.
My point is this: Fantasy should not be dictated by actual experience, rather experience should be sprinkled with a bit of fantasy to keep it interesting.
I've come a long way 'round to get to the real meat of this entry. In BDSM, be it fantasy or reality, there is no right or wrong way to do it. Yes, I know, safe, sane and consensual. All that means is, if you break your toys you won't have them to play with. (And I won't let you use mine either)
So enjoy what you do. If you have people willing to do it with you, then you're doing something right. If they kneel at your feet, you just might be good at it too.
Wednesday, August 19, 2009
Table for One
Sunday morning with Lee started with her waking me and slipping a thin leather collar around my neck. This would be pretty much all I wore that day...
She keeps an office in one room of the building where her studio is. It's decorated what I assume is a Victorian style (my tastes in furniture tend more to the simplistic). Next to the lovely desk which held her laptop was a small cushion. She led me into the room and yes, ala' every SL submissive, I knelt on the cushion. But this was actually happening, and I couldn't help but giggle about it. I'm not sure if her irritation was feigned or real, but either way she buckled a ballgag in to keep me quiet while she tended her email.
Strangely, I really was quite content to sit with her for awhile, just being there beside a woman I knew cared deeply and still was willing to do to me all that I needed.
It was probably an hour or so later when she finished, closed the laptop and turned to me with a smile. A blindfold of soft leather joined the ballgag and I was lead to the dining room, on up onto the table. Much to my delight (I AM a bondage slut after all ;) ) I was soon tied with my wrists behind my head and lashed to a shoulder harness. My ankles were secures up to my thighs, leaving me spread open. Several more ropes fastened me to the table's legs ensuring I wouldn't squirm my way off and hurt myself. I drifted for a bit while she was doing her ropework on me, bondage has been described like an unending embrace from your lover when done well. Lee does it well, and I came back to awareness when she pulled a chair out and sat at the end of the table opposite to the way me head was pointing. (Between my legs, if that wasn't clear) What followed was an exquisite blend of teasing and fulfilling sexual torment. Several toys were tried on me, as well as.. other ways.. She never spoke through the entire episode and I wasn't told to ask for my orgasms. As has become almost normal for my time with Lee, I lost track of time again. When I slipped back inside my head her hands were caressing my upturned rear gently, coaxing me back to reality.
I heard her footsteps cross the room then, followed by soft applause.... From behind me still...
Someone else was there, and I never knew who, or what part they played in the entire scene.
Another of Lee's gifts...
She keeps an office in one room of the building where her studio is. It's decorated what I assume is a Victorian style (my tastes in furniture tend more to the simplistic). Next to the lovely desk which held her laptop was a small cushion. She led me into the room and yes, ala' every SL submissive, I knelt on the cushion. But this was actually happening, and I couldn't help but giggle about it. I'm not sure if her irritation was feigned or real, but either way she buckled a ballgag in to keep me quiet while she tended her email.
Strangely, I really was quite content to sit with her for awhile, just being there beside a woman I knew cared deeply and still was willing to do to me all that I needed.
It was probably an hour or so later when she finished, closed the laptop and turned to me with a smile. A blindfold of soft leather joined the ballgag and I was lead to the dining room, on up onto the table. Much to my delight (I AM a bondage slut after all ;) ) I was soon tied with my wrists behind my head and lashed to a shoulder harness. My ankles were secures up to my thighs, leaving me spread open. Several more ropes fastened me to the table's legs ensuring I wouldn't squirm my way off and hurt myself. I drifted for a bit while she was doing her ropework on me, bondage has been described like an unending embrace from your lover when done well. Lee does it well, and I came back to awareness when she pulled a chair out and sat at the end of the table opposite to the way me head was pointing. (Between my legs, if that wasn't clear) What followed was an exquisite blend of teasing and fulfilling sexual torment. Several toys were tried on me, as well as.. other ways.. She never spoke through the entire episode and I wasn't told to ask for my orgasms. As has become almost normal for my time with Lee, I lost track of time again. When I slipped back inside my head her hands were caressing my upturned rear gently, coaxing me back to reality.
I heard her footsteps cross the room then, followed by soft applause.... From behind me still...
Someone else was there, and I never knew who, or what part they played in the entire scene.
Another of Lee's gifts...
Sunday, August 16, 2009
Joy returns to me
Long ago, in SL terms, I proposed to her. Ironically I did it from a dance pole in a prison club. She was to be my Mistress then, as well as my Partner. Life happened and things have changed. If you've followed my blog you already know that I no longer desire a Mistress.
Friday night the time was finally right. Faye and I talked for a long time, making sure that we both had the same thing in mind.
She made me the happiest I've been in a long, long time, for Faye and I are Partnered at last! Faye honored me with the gift of her submission as well.
Thank you my Love, my Dearest, my sub and my Partner. I will love you always, and all ways.
Friday night the time was finally right. Faye and I talked for a long time, making sure that we both had the same thing in mind.
She made me the happiest I've been in a long, long time, for Faye and I are Partnered at last! Faye honored me with the gift of her submission as well.
Thank you my Love, my Dearest, my sub and my Partner. I will love you always, and all ways.
Whew!
Yes, I made it back from Indy. It's been about five days (I traveled most of the day Wednesday) and I'm still floating. The bruises are fading, the welts are gone, my nipples aren't quite so sensitive and the sore spots left in my mouth from the ball gag have finally gone away.
I'm not going into full details now. If you're curious leave me a reply and I'll answer questions if I can. Suffice it to say that it was a mind boggling rush of an experience that I would do again everyday, but realistically, there's no way..
I'm not going into full details now. If you're curious leave me a reply and I'll answer questions if I can. Suffice it to say that it was a mind boggling rush of an experience that I would do again everyday, but realistically, there's no way..
Thursday, August 6, 2009
Indy Trip
Three or four times a year I take a vacation from.. well.. from reality, in a way. I drive nearly eight hours, one way, to see a woman that I trust my life with, though I don't even know her real name. Lee has kept her studio from her days as a professional Dominatrix. She no longer sees new clients, but has a set of favorites. I came to her late in her career, introduced through some mutual friends that own a lake house near my own home. She calls me about once a month and we talk girl talk mostly, but when I go to her, it's all Domme/sub.
I'm going to see her this weekend and staying for a few days. We've talked about what I'd like to experience, what limits I am comfortable with letting her push, and ideas that she might like to try. In the past I've spent the entire time with her in bondage, served horderves at a fetish party (in full latex!) modelled different ties, I've even been made into a table on which people set their drinks during a dinner party.
I say that we talk about my limits, but I trust her so much now that I no longer really have any. She can easily pick up on my interest in things. I've told friends before that I have to be careful of what I look at in her studio for fear that she will use *it* on me.
Pain has been a limit for me for awhile. Nipple clamps (and clamps in general) I enjoy, but I never wanted to be whipped or beaten, things like that. Last winter I let Lee flog me. She used all sorts of different floggers and explained the difference between them and how they are different from whips, canes and the like. It was terrified, and so excited through the entire experience that my orgasm took me totally by surprise. After it was over Lee cuddled me closer than she ever has, and actually cried with me. An understanding bond that I've never been aware of being possible.
We play with some very strong emotions when we are involved in BDSM. The vanilla world and the posers who think they are "kinky" because it seems to be trendy now just can't make the leap from pain to pleasure. There is no other way to reach those plateaus without enduring the torment and intense stimulation that a gifted domminant can take you to.
Let them giggle at the things we do, and we will pity them for their unknowing loss. I'm going to Indy.
I'm going to see her this weekend and staying for a few days. We've talked about what I'd like to experience, what limits I am comfortable with letting her push, and ideas that she might like to try. In the past I've spent the entire time with her in bondage, served horderves at a fetish party (in full latex!) modelled different ties, I've even been made into a table on which people set their drinks during a dinner party.
I say that we talk about my limits, but I trust her so much now that I no longer really have any. She can easily pick up on my interest in things. I've told friends before that I have to be careful of what I look at in her studio for fear that she will use *it* on me.
Pain has been a limit for me for awhile. Nipple clamps (and clamps in general) I enjoy, but I never wanted to be whipped or beaten, things like that. Last winter I let Lee flog me. She used all sorts of different floggers and explained the difference between them and how they are different from whips, canes and the like. It was terrified, and so excited through the entire experience that my orgasm took me totally by surprise. After it was over Lee cuddled me closer than she ever has, and actually cried with me. An understanding bond that I've never been aware of being possible.
We play with some very strong emotions when we are involved in BDSM. The vanilla world and the posers who think they are "kinky" because it seems to be trendy now just can't make the leap from pain to pleasure. There is no other way to reach those plateaus without enduring the torment and intense stimulation that a gifted domminant can take you to.
Let them giggle at the things we do, and we will pity them for their unknowing loss. I'm going to Indy.
Monday, August 3, 2009
Joy and Sorrow and Heart Breaking Pain
Bad things happen to good people. We all know it, and hate it for being so. Like a Greek tragedy though we're compelled by it, and follow the story waiting for the happy ending that may not come.
A loss in the family is never easy, but is the pain tempered by knowing the sacrifice was that of a hero?
Evil perpetrated on an innocent soul cloaked as love, leads to enlightenment and knowledge uncommon to one's peers. An even trade?
When one needs, actually needs to be with another yet is forced out of contact, will the heart truly grow fonder with the absence?
Illness shadowing a kind and gentle person, yet love grows stronger between those that share the burdens.
There are unending examples, and some of those that read this blog will recognise one or two these personally.
But to those I love I offer this: Life does go on, and Joy can be found again.
I am living proof.
A loss in the family is never easy, but is the pain tempered by knowing the sacrifice was that of a hero?
Evil perpetrated on an innocent soul cloaked as love, leads to enlightenment and knowledge uncommon to one's peers. An even trade?
When one needs, actually needs to be with another yet is forced out of contact, will the heart truly grow fonder with the absence?
Illness shadowing a kind and gentle person, yet love grows stronger between those that share the burdens.
There are unending examples, and some of those that read this blog will recognise one or two these personally.
But to those I love I offer this: Life does go on, and Joy can be found again.
I am living proof.
Wednesday, July 22, 2009
Old Age and New Experience
Things were quiet when I logged in today, so I took a little time to start building a new deck on the house. Out of the sky falls a girl, wearing cuffs and a collar, and a skimpy little dress. Odd as that sounds, it's not unheard of in Lochme, the sim I live in.
At first I was a little annoyed, as she was obviously a newbie. A glance at her mostly empty profile showed that she was almost a year old though, so I deemed her "perma-noob" and got ready to ask her to leave. Then she said to me, "can you help?" Now, I may be evil, but I am not mean, so I asked her what she needed, and of course waited for a reply, because perma-noobs always talk slow...
It seems the poor dear couldn't see names or location, or teleport. I checked her restraints quickly, but they were all unlocked. After messing about for awhile I finally determined that she's worn a relay at some point and coached her through removing it, viola', issue solved.
I talked with her for a bit, but I really wasn't in the mood for a scene with a subbie I didn't know, so she went her way and thanked me for my time.
This whole thing got me to thinking. We all were new once. What is it the kept some of us coming back, and how is that we aren't perma-noobs too?
I've met basically two kinds of people that remain in SL a long time. Geeks and writers. Yes, I said geek.. But it's true, it's those people that have been the backbone of SL since it was new.
And the writers, or the creative wordsmiths, have nurtured culture and ideas within the framework.
So the next newbie you meet, take the time and be nice. I know most of us are.
We were all new once.
At first I was a little annoyed, as she was obviously a newbie. A glance at her mostly empty profile showed that she was almost a year old though, so I deemed her "perma-noob" and got ready to ask her to leave. Then she said to me, "can you help?" Now, I may be evil, but I am not mean, so I asked her what she needed, and of course waited for a reply, because perma-noobs always talk slow...
It seems the poor dear couldn't see names or location, or teleport. I checked her restraints quickly, but they were all unlocked. After messing about for awhile I finally determined that she's worn a relay at some point and coached her through removing it, viola', issue solved.
I talked with her for a bit, but I really wasn't in the mood for a scene with a subbie I didn't know, so she went her way and thanked me for my time.
This whole thing got me to thinking. We all were new once. What is it the kept some of us coming back, and how is that we aren't perma-noobs too?
I've met basically two kinds of people that remain in SL a long time. Geeks and writers. Yes, I said geek.. But it's true, it's those people that have been the backbone of SL since it was new.
And the writers, or the creative wordsmiths, have nurtured culture and ideas within the framework.
So the next newbie you meet, take the time and be nice. I know most of us are.
We were all new once.
Wednesday, July 1, 2009
Insight out of the past
Last summer I got the wild idea to claim a plot on the Playa of Burning Life. If you don't know what that is google Burning Man. Burning Life is the SL equivalent, and I won't go into details about it here. You just need to know that it was a way to deal with having too much SL time and needing a creative outlet. I had the help of two of my sisters, Shae and Sharie, without whom it would never have happened. Ru and Tot gave me tons and tons of pictures to use, and De was there almost everyday to play hostess with me. Many more deserve thanks as well.
But I digress.. The plot right next to mine was claimed by a Brit. She had a display about some silly idea involving peace through tea, of all things.. (I'm teasing Anna) I guess you need to know that my display was the only one involving BDSM and SL. (There may have been others, but no one ever found one that I heard about) And poor Anna had the fortune, or misfortune to get as her neighbor a bunch of latex clad females that were tied up half of the time. Long story shortened, Anna came to me privately and confessed an interest in BDSM, and indeed she and I explored some things together. I won't reveal any more as she is a very private person and I hope she forgives me for saying this much.
Anna and I drifted apart, as often happens in SL, for whatever reasons. But last night out of the blue (and oddly enough I had been thinking about her that day) she IM's me. We talk a bit, exchanging pleasantries the way the Brits do. I invited her to Ash's new home for a visit and to show off my darling girl as well. (She's quite the decorator btw). Anna invited us to see her island home, so we went for a visit there as well. I have to admit that even though it is very tiny, it's relaxing and pleasant.
When it was time to go I got the feeling Anna had more to say. I remember from BL that she's not the kind to talk openly unless she's comfortable with her surroundings and assured of privacy, so I sent Ash home and probed Anna a bit. Surprisingly she seemed to be more concerned about me than I would have thought. She asked how I was doing after leaving Ru, commented on how hard giving up the collar can be for everyone. She wondered how my sisters were doing, and asked how the Domme life was treating me.
Anna asked if I was putting the needs of my girls before my own. My answer flowed out of me easily, because it's the truth and the way I feel. Yes, I am, but in so doing their needs become my own. I feel.. no, I become satisfied, and joyful when they get what they need from me.
But the one thing that really surprised me.. that made me stop and really think..
She asked if my own needs weren't just as important as theirs..
But I digress.. The plot right next to mine was claimed by a Brit. She had a display about some silly idea involving peace through tea, of all things.. (I'm teasing Anna) I guess you need to know that my display was the only one involving BDSM and SL. (There may have been others, but no one ever found one that I heard about) And poor Anna had the fortune, or misfortune to get as her neighbor a bunch of latex clad females that were tied up half of the time. Long story shortened, Anna came to me privately and confessed an interest in BDSM, and indeed she and I explored some things together. I won't reveal any more as she is a very private person and I hope she forgives me for saying this much.
Anna and I drifted apart, as often happens in SL, for whatever reasons. But last night out of the blue (and oddly enough I had been thinking about her that day) she IM's me. We talk a bit, exchanging pleasantries the way the Brits do. I invited her to Ash's new home for a visit and to show off my darling girl as well. (She's quite the decorator btw). Anna invited us to see her island home, so we went for a visit there as well. I have to admit that even though it is very tiny, it's relaxing and pleasant.
When it was time to go I got the feeling Anna had more to say. I remember from BL that she's not the kind to talk openly unless she's comfortable with her surroundings and assured of privacy, so I sent Ash home and probed Anna a bit. Surprisingly she seemed to be more concerned about me than I would have thought. She asked how I was doing after leaving Ru, commented on how hard giving up the collar can be for everyone. She wondered how my sisters were doing, and asked how the Domme life was treating me.
Anna asked if I was putting the needs of my girls before my own. My answer flowed out of me easily, because it's the truth and the way I feel. Yes, I am, but in so doing their needs become my own. I feel.. no, I become satisfied, and joyful when they get what they need from me.
But the one thing that really surprised me.. that made me stop and really think..
She asked if my own needs weren't just as important as theirs..
Sunday, June 28, 2009
Grabbing the Tail by the Tiger.
As elusive as submission has been for me in the past few months I was somewhat shocked by my desire for it a few nights ago. I'm not the sort to wander sims with keys hanging out to be grabbed. There is one person I will call upon once in awhile, but she was busy at the time.
Dressed in my favorite latex and wearing cuffs and a gag I stayed safely in my sanctuary, contemplating self bondage but not willing to risk the letdown that can bring. For some odd reason I remembered a place I used to frequent. I've only rarely seen anyone there, though it is a public spot dedicated to bondage. Kimiko's used to be my "home" before I actually had one in SL. It was a place I could go to rez new items and experiment with them.
I even recently purchased an isolation chamber to replace the one that used to be there when I was new. Of course there was no one there when I tp'd in.
Just for fun I took a picture of me next to the Iso chamber and sent it to the person that owned the one from before. She is a Domme that would come to me once in awhile when she needed to submit. Alas, she was offline..
I'm not exactly sure why, but I saw another name on my friend's list that caught my interest. She was a recent addition, and one I didn't know that well, but I sent her that same picture. Soon she arrived, out of curiosity I think because she knew me only as a Domme.
What followed was a night of whirlwind intensity for me. Somehow I trusted her right away, and she found the hidden things within me that needed to come out. I was taken dancing, something I enjoy in SL, though she took me bound and gagged, and even stripped me on the dance floor in front of a room full of strangers (but her friends). Public humiliation is not something I can take very often, but I guess the need to be controlled and used as a plaything was strong.
Later she took me to a sim where I have a Domme title. Still naked and bound she gave me a relay to keep me from leaving the sim and restrict me in other ways. She left me there for the night. I hate to admit it, but the experience was what I needed and left me in quite an aroused state. "You've got it bad Miss" she teased, and she was exactly right.
I'm not going to tell you who this mystery person is, but suffice it to say I "got even" with her and she added my name to her collar tonight. No, I didn't take on another sub, just the demonic part of one that needs me from time to time..
The next day my darling Ash came to my rescue and I snapped right back to my Domme role without a second thought. It is who I am now, I just needed a short vacation.
Dressed in my favorite latex and wearing cuffs and a gag I stayed safely in my sanctuary, contemplating self bondage but not willing to risk the letdown that can bring. For some odd reason I remembered a place I used to frequent. I've only rarely seen anyone there, though it is a public spot dedicated to bondage. Kimiko's used to be my "home" before I actually had one in SL. It was a place I could go to rez new items and experiment with them.
I even recently purchased an isolation chamber to replace the one that used to be there when I was new. Of course there was no one there when I tp'd in.
Just for fun I took a picture of me next to the Iso chamber and sent it to the person that owned the one from before. She is a Domme that would come to me once in awhile when she needed to submit. Alas, she was offline..
I'm not exactly sure why, but I saw another name on my friend's list that caught my interest. She was a recent addition, and one I didn't know that well, but I sent her that same picture. Soon she arrived, out of curiosity I think because she knew me only as a Domme.
What followed was a night of whirlwind intensity for me. Somehow I trusted her right away, and she found the hidden things within me that needed to come out. I was taken dancing, something I enjoy in SL, though she took me bound and gagged, and even stripped me on the dance floor in front of a room full of strangers (but her friends). Public humiliation is not something I can take very often, but I guess the need to be controlled and used as a plaything was strong.
Later she took me to a sim where I have a Domme title. Still naked and bound she gave me a relay to keep me from leaving the sim and restrict me in other ways. She left me there for the night. I hate to admit it, but the experience was what I needed and left me in quite an aroused state. "You've got it bad Miss" she teased, and she was exactly right.
I'm not going to tell you who this mystery person is, but suffice it to say I "got even" with her and she added my name to her collar tonight. No, I didn't take on another sub, just the demonic part of one that needs me from time to time..
The next day my darling Ash came to my rescue and I snapped right back to my Domme role without a second thought. It is who I am now, I just needed a short vacation.
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