When I began my exploration into SL I was adamant that I would never be collared nor would I offer anyone a collar. How wrong I was. I followed along behind my first partner and saw that devotion and love both have a meaning in this virtual world. Later I would be offered a collar by a tenderhearted girl with the best of intentions, shortly after that I would wear the collar of a wonderful woman for nearly a year.
During that year I gained the love of many sisters. Each one very different, but each just as caring and devoted, not only to our Mistress, but to each other as well. Those relationships seem to endure the strongest of all.
I've collared four of my own thus far, though two have since moved on. Four wonderful people with deep heart and wonderful minds. I love them all and will care deeply for everyone of them always.
I've passed my third rezday recently. Two that were thought lost to SL returned at nearly the same time. Many tears of joy were shed for relationships renewed, including mine. Though I learned much from both of them in the past, their absence taught my heart to be harder and more careful.
The words of someone who was once close to me echo in my mind lately.
"These things do hurt us."
Sunday, February 6, 2011
Friday, October 22, 2010
Friday, July 9, 2010
Celebration
The shine of happy days flood out the dark shadows of those we've lost. Life is for the living they say, I suppose SL is for those in it.
My dear Sister who has seen me through the dark and guided me in the days is finding her happiness at last. None deserve it more. Collared to Miss Alt, and soon to be partnered with Tiff, she glows with an inner light that is brighter than ever.
As always her joy is contagious.
To update: I've released Casey though we remain in love.
Tania has given me all that hasn't been claimed by others. She's very special to me and has opened my eyes in new ways.
My dear Sister who has seen me through the dark and guided me in the days is finding her happiness at last. None deserve it more. Collared to Miss Alt, and soon to be partnered with Tiff, she glows with an inner light that is brighter than ever.
As always her joy is contagious.
To update: I've released Casey though we remain in love.
Tania has given me all that hasn't been claimed by others. She's very special to me and has opened my eyes in new ways.
Tuesday, April 13, 2010
An ending before things End
Seems my blog has a lot of depressing content.
I've been staring at an empty field for a bit now, unsure how to begin this entry.
I've released my Darling. The lovely girl that defined Mistress Shibari. She and I walked a path together and have become very close. We share things that bridge beyond SL.
It was time. With summer coming my RL will only get more hectic, my time in SL more sporadic.
Eniper is lost to me as well. Again, time comes between us.
I still have Casey to walk with me. She's a divine treasure without compare.
They say time heals all wounds. Does that include the ones it inflicts?
I've been staring at an empty field for a bit now, unsure how to begin this entry.
I've released my Darling. The lovely girl that defined Mistress Shibari. She and I walked a path together and have become very close. We share things that bridge beyond SL.
It was time. With summer coming my RL will only get more hectic, my time in SL more sporadic.
Eniper is lost to me as well. Again, time comes between us.
I still have Casey to walk with me. She's a divine treasure without compare.
They say time heals all wounds. Does that include the ones it inflicts?
Sunday, January 10, 2010
..and Downs
**Warning**
*Depressing Content*
The harder you hold the more slips from your hand. For a long time in SL terms I've fought to hold onto someone very dear and special. No, not just in SL terms, for it's been more than a year and that's a long time to hold onto hope. I struggled with long separations and never knowing if I'd see her again. I drove poor Tot to distraction with my need for reassurance. Dear Pet was always there to help me hold on. Wonderful little Aki commiserated with my loss.
It's over now. Time to gather up the pieces and move on. I won't say never again, but don't bother asking me for any sort of commitment for a while.
I had nearly made the decision to end it myself many times, but I'm a dedicated person, I tend to hold on to the bitter end. There's a lesson here: Bitter Ends suck for everyone involved.
So I offer this to you Faye: I've gone from loss to hurt to anger and back again. Had I known you felt pushed by me I'd have left you long ago. I'm sorry you've felt the need to hide from me. My intentions were never to cause you pain, but only offer support and love with nothing asked for in return. Obviously I didn't make that very clear to you.
'I'm sorry' is a phrase I don't like to hear or use. It's far to easily said and conveys next to nothing. It's an empty statement, but emptiness is all you've left me with.
I'm sorry Faye.
*Depressing Content*
The harder you hold the more slips from your hand. For a long time in SL terms I've fought to hold onto someone very dear and special. No, not just in SL terms, for it's been more than a year and that's a long time to hold onto hope. I struggled with long separations and never knowing if I'd see her again. I drove poor Tot to distraction with my need for reassurance. Dear Pet was always there to help me hold on. Wonderful little Aki commiserated with my loss.
It's over now. Time to gather up the pieces and move on. I won't say never again, but don't bother asking me for any sort of commitment for a while.
I had nearly made the decision to end it myself many times, but I'm a dedicated person, I tend to hold on to the bitter end. There's a lesson here: Bitter Ends suck for everyone involved.
So I offer this to you Faye: I've gone from loss to hurt to anger and back again. Had I known you felt pushed by me I'd have left you long ago. I'm sorry you've felt the need to hide from me. My intentions were never to cause you pain, but only offer support and love with nothing asked for in return. Obviously I didn't make that very clear to you.
'I'm sorry' is a phrase I don't like to hear or use. It's far to easily said and conveys next to nothing. It's an empty statement, but emptiness is all you've left me with.
I'm sorry Faye.
Ups and Downs
It's been awhile since I posted and many, many things have happened. Snow covers my little part of this world and hides everything beneath it with a clean white blanket. In some ways my own desires tend to hide what lurks under the seemingly clean surface.
I spent some time looking for a sub experience in SL. I found it, and what seemed like a good connection at the time. Warning flags were raised soon after though, and my too-quick-to-click subby side caused a lot or worry and hurt feelings. I offer my apologies to any that got involved in that mess. I only hope the ripples are past.
I'm going to focus more on my Domme side in SL. Miss Shi is needed there by many. I have things to show them, hands to hold and hugs to give. Leave no doubt that Miss Evil is alive (undead?) and well and can still find the things you hide. I consider it my privilege to bring them out and play with them, expose and mold them, and set you free in my chains.
A select (very) few will still have access to my sub side. Those that I trust I trust implicitly, if I allow you to take my control away I hope you run with it for awhile.
RL mirrors SL again. I've been asked to give a presentation at Estate Obscure on Sub Drop. I spent last night with a couple I have known for a long time (RL), but haven't seen for a few years. They are the ones that introduced me to Lee. I was asked to 'entertain' them for the evening, and I was more than willing. Many hours were spent in some strict ties and some very complete leather bondage. I was teased and tormented, but never allowed to..well, you know. My close friends will know that this is something I crave, and I went home late in the evening feeling floaty and quite thrilled by my experience.
...then I spent two hours crying my eyes out and trying to figure out "what the hell is wrong with me". Not a good ending to an otherwise thrilling experience.
Sub Drop is sneaky. When you're in it's clutches it's very hard to realize it. I wouldn't call myself an expert on it, but I've been in that state many times in the past. In my early years of experimenting with self bondage I dropped nearly every time. I think other things influenced last night's episode and added to the stress and depression, but I've got it sorted out for now. A late night call to a dear friend, and the consumption of comfort food seems to have snapped me out of the worst of it.
If you're wondering if I'd repeat last night. knowing that I'd drop hard, the answer is yes. I'm an addict to my own endorphins and will never give that up.
I spent some time looking for a sub experience in SL. I found it, and what seemed like a good connection at the time. Warning flags were raised soon after though, and my too-quick-to-click subby side caused a lot or worry and hurt feelings. I offer my apologies to any that got involved in that mess. I only hope the ripples are past.
I'm going to focus more on my Domme side in SL. Miss Shi is needed there by many. I have things to show them, hands to hold and hugs to give. Leave no doubt that Miss Evil is alive (undead?) and well and can still find the things you hide. I consider it my privilege to bring them out and play with them, expose and mold them, and set you free in my chains.
A select (very) few will still have access to my sub side. Those that I trust I trust implicitly, if I allow you to take my control away I hope you run with it for awhile.
RL mirrors SL again. I've been asked to give a presentation at Estate Obscure on Sub Drop. I spent last night with a couple I have known for a long time (RL), but haven't seen for a few years. They are the ones that introduced me to Lee. I was asked to 'entertain' them for the evening, and I was more than willing. Many hours were spent in some strict ties and some very complete leather bondage. I was teased and tormented, but never allowed to..well, you know. My close friends will know that this is something I crave, and I went home late in the evening feeling floaty and quite thrilled by my experience.
...then I spent two hours crying my eyes out and trying to figure out "what the hell is wrong with me". Not a good ending to an otherwise thrilling experience.
Sub Drop is sneaky. When you're in it's clutches it's very hard to realize it. I wouldn't call myself an expert on it, but I've been in that state many times in the past. In my early years of experimenting with self bondage I dropped nearly every time. I think other things influenced last night's episode and added to the stress and depression, but I've got it sorted out for now. A late night call to a dear friend, and the consumption of comfort food seems to have snapped me out of the worst of it.
If you're wondering if I'd repeat last night. knowing that I'd drop hard, the answer is yes. I'm an addict to my own endorphins and will never give that up.
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